Amit stayed in a boy’s hostel during his college education and those years were a nightmare for him. He found it difficult to cope with the simplest of tasks. Reason? A childhood upbringing where the mother looked after all his needs saying fondly, “Amit is so dependent on me for all small things like keeping his clothes, books, meals – everything.” She wore his dependence on her as a badge of honour.
Make your Child Self-reliant [Illustration by Shiju George]
For, a child’s growth is all about learning to see the world by himself/herself. To make a child cope with the daily chores or the activities concerning her is the best possible thing. It creates a grid for her to put a step forward with confidence at any stage of life.
This process starts with initiating them into brushing their teeth or tying their shoelaces, to encouraging them to give a hand in the household chores that show that they are “grown up”.
I know of a lady whose eight-year-old son fills up the bank slip books for cheques! In fact he takes pride in saying that he is doing some important work that only the elders do.
Just as adults appreciate commendation for a job well done – and before other family members and friends – so do children. At the same time, bestowing the title of “incapable” for messing up on a small chore would be too harsh for the impact it may have on the child’s psyche.
If your child is unable to perform the task despite your explaining, maybe you should examine your approach as well. And be patient with his/her questions.
You should try and ensure that children manage their own time, whether it’s studies or social life. Constant interference in their life should be strictly avoided, as it will make them depend on you further.
Impossible goals should not be set before them for if they backfire, children may feel incapable of achieving anything. Also, if they are trying something new, do not discourage them by highlighting the negative points in it. Often, parents load their biases onto their children.
Inculcate the importance of physical fitness and strength, which is an integral part of building self-reliance and self-confidence. But then again, parents who are themselves prone to a lethargic lifestyle, may find it difficult to ask their children to do otherwise.
