While adopting a child, a couple has to keep many things in mind.
Take your family into confidence
Though it is a personal decision, a couple might wish to consult their parents and other children (if they have any), as a new baby will be a part of the entire family. Their support and views should be considered before embarking on a project like this.
The gender and age of the baby
Though older couples might prefer to adopt an older child most others prefer a new-born for obvious reasons. Adopting a new-born ensures that you develop a bond with the child right from infancy as you see him/her go through the key milestones. And if you are thinking of adopting a child, what came to your mind first when you and your husband discussed it? A boy or a girl?
Adoption – Giving Due Consideration [Illustration by Shiju George]
Adopt a child from a reliable orphanage as they follow comprehensive and clear legal procedures to avoid problems in the future. Try to avoid adopting a child from the same family i.e. brother’s child or brother-in-law’s child. You would not want your child to go back to his biological parents once he comes to know of the truth, do you?
Comprehensive medical check-up
Always insist on a complete medical check-up of the child before adopting. Preferrably, go with a paediatrician you know for the purpose. Most orphanages admit that parents leave physically or mentally challenged children with them.
Role of parents after adoption
Parents tend to over pamper the child especially in households where one of the children is adopted. They fear that the child may feel discriminated against because s/he is adopted. What you could do is try to treat all of them as equals so that no child feels you are being partial to the other.
Disclosure of the fact
Once the child grows up and can understand the ways of the world, disclose the truth to him. In most cases, children get to know about it before the parents are ready to reveal the truth. Make sure that you are the first one who tells him/her about it in order to avoid further complications in your relationship.
And after revealing the truth, be prepared for the child’s reaction. It can vary from shock, disbelief, hurt, anger to retaliation.
Ameya, an adopted child says, “When I came to know my parents are not my real parents, I was shocked and upset for very long.” But then, she thought about the whole thing again and changed her mind.
But all children may not be like Ameya. And, some may need professional help.
